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All That I Know (Demo)

from Paintwork by Natalie Holmes

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  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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  • Buy the Full Digital Album

  • Paintwork - Physical CD
    Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    I wanted to make something special with the last years work, so here is a compilation of singles, acoustic tracks, original demos + covers (PHYSICAL COPY ONLY) from my Patreon, & a remix. It's a limited Edition run of 100 and I won't be getting any more, so grab yours quick! :)

    Join my Patreon for demos and more every month! --> patreon.com/natalieholmes

    The photographs are more taken by Rob Potter (@rob.potter) from a big paint splurge when we made the original Pink Noise artwork. They were all splatters and shapes on the same piece of paper (this exact piece of paper features in the Pink Noise music video: youtu.be/D3bN7fTOicg)

    [Note: If possible, please order no more than 3 in one go, as the package goes above 100g and almost doubles in postage. I can't make an option for this and don't want to charge extra for each added copy if only 2 or 3! However you are free to make as many separate orders as you like.]

    [Other note: I only just noticed the error in the track 4 title. I will very tastefully tipex this, I am so so sorry]

    Includes unlimited streaming of Paintwork via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.     ... more

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about

Patreon Post:

I wrote this song about feeling constantly overwhelmed by life because of lack of sleep, doubled with the underlying difficulties we all constantly feel when trying to process why we're here and what we should be doing regardless. Often when I leave bed after an awful night I give up on the day before it's even started. My head hurts, my eyes hurt, my brain hurts, my heart hurts, and I feel like I am void as a human. We are all daunted enough by this funny life before feeling physically shit, and so when I go through these days I often just cancel any expectations I had with myself or other people that day and resign myself to seeing if tomorrow will be any better. I also wrote here about feeling like I'm ready to find someone to support and be supported by, but worrying that in my fluctuating mindset I won't be thinking or feeling truly. However, I've come to the conclusion that this is now, and yes I do feel like this, but it is equally valid as a part of my life as the times I feel functioning. Just because I feel something when I'm not on top form doesn't mean it isn't a real feeling. It should be considered and given a chance like any other.

lyrics

Am I confused?
Or am I just sure that I don’t know
Am I gonna lose,
Or have I made this target up,

Out of thin air,
Each day I drift,
I search for more
Will it shift?

All that I know is that I’m ready to find you
But I can’t even find myself
All I can show is that I’m not really OK
So I stay behind
And wait for tomorrow night

oooh, tomorrow night
oh then I will be alright.

Told me you loved me so
Made sure you let me know
That I cut you deep and that cut me deep (too)
Then only 2 weeks on
You’re pouring coffee for
another heart,
I can’t believe,
You ever wanted me for me

All that I know is that I’m ready to find you
But I can’t even find myself
All I can show is that I’m not really OK
So I stay behind
All that I know is I’d be ready to catch you,
Like droplets above my head
I’ll let you know that no matter how I feel
Your dark can be bright
and we’ll wait for tomorrow night

oooh tomorrow night,
Oh then we will be alright.

Clocks turn too fast
No I’ll never be ready
Take 3 deep breaths
Who said that I cant take time
Take as long as I need
I’ll be fine
When the world stops breathing down my neck
Cast away we’ll be each other’s wreck

credits

from Paintwork, released January 28, 2020
Written & performed by Natalie Holmes

Produced by Natalie Holmes

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Natalie Holmes Bristol, UK

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